The human senses are among the many of the unique components of the human body. Two of the senses, to feel and to hear, are the most interesting to me, as they have been able to provide me with intrinsic and extrinsic knowledge about myself and those around me.
I have felt and heard so many things throughout the duration of my life thus far. I am the type of person who feels everything so deeply and so extensively throughout my mind, body and soul. Being a part of various experiences in my life have put my senses to the test, to build a stronger self and challenge my mind. Unfortunately, all of these experiences were not positive, but those negative experiences helped me become a stronger and more determined person.
I cannot even begin to describe the hurt my heart felt in my past relationship. It was a type of hurt that ached all the time. I lost myself. I lost my identity. I lost everything. How does one walk around without their sense of self? How does one identity themselves among society when they can't even identify themselves in the mirror? Even in the silence, these questions haunted me. That's when I knew my senses were trying to tell me something.
I knew that this wasn't meant to be my life. I knew that I was made for so much more than to be someone's rag doll. I convinced myself that I was worthless, pathetic and just not good enough. I knew that was not the way to be treated, nor would I want anyone to be treated that way.
To feel myself letting go of him and to hear the words I had to say out loud to clean myself of the toxic energy, was one of the most terrible experiences I have gone through. Everything was gone in an instant. Yet in reality, everything was gone a long time ago. I did not know what love was. I did not know what it was like to love. I did not know what it was like to be loved. I've only heard of what it was supposed to be like, but this relationship was the perfect example of what love is not. My senses did not compliment one another here.
I always thought that his words would remain instilled in my memory like a wine stain on a dress. I never thought I could wash away the comments, the abuse and the hatred that I felt. I heard his words in the silence, I felt his abuse in the noise and I was broken. I expected to feel that way for the remainder of my life, so I became comfortable; comfortably broken.
To my surprise, I found someone to mend my broken pieces. It was not someone I was expecting in my life, nor did not expect to save me from the quicksand I was in. This person tapped into my senses of feeling and sound again. He gave me a new definition of what it was like to feel love and hear love. I never knew that existed, at least not until him.
One thing has not changed about me..
I feel deeply and so extensively throughout my mind, body and soul. I now feel so deeply loved by this person and love him more than anyone I have ever known. I hear his words and I know they carry so much value, genuineness and heart. I hear his love in the silence. I feel his love in the silence. He brought me above water to clarity and for that I am forever grateful.
I know that I am clean of the toxic demon I once thought I loved. I know that I am not any of the things he made me believe. However, I know that I am in a better place in my life because of that relationship. I once felt love for you. I once heard your love for me. Yet, our senses were infected by the monsters within us, and I no longer feel anything for you.
Our senses always are trying to tell us something. They aid us in realizing the intuition we naturally possess. That's why my senses were off when we were together - my intuition was telling me that my soul belonged to someone else - and now it does.